Tuesday, March 5, 2013

She Woman Man Haters (Fashion) Club








Women Who Dress for...Other Women



Unfortunately the above statement doesn't appear to be unanimously true for females judging from the abundance of excruciatingly tight dresses, blindingly short skirts, and painfully tall heels spied roaming the streets at night. But for those women interested in trends, who posses a real passion for fashion, the above most certainly rings true. I'm very much aware a man, any man, would rather see a woman in a crotch level, body con, exposing little number than my preferred plethora of over sized shirts, "scary" combat boots, and boyfriend blouses, but no apologies here.  I will only squeeze into one of those irritatingly tight slesses (slutty dresses) once in a blue moon. A very blue moon. And it has to be black. Perhaps that's why I'm still single? No complaint here, I'd take dressing out of my non existent boyfriends closet over those hellish threads any day. The heart wants what the heart wants and mine wants me to dress myself similar to a gothic man engaging in trends men not only hate but don't understand. Women's fashion yields male confusion at its finest. While the opinions of my male peers aren't enough to deter my decision away from fashion forward tendencies, it's enjoyable to hear what they have to say about the various fashion crazes. To help explore the never ending fashion conflict between men and women I recruited two of my favorite people. Lindsey, a trendsetter in her own right, who I can always count on to bond with over the obvious need for excess and edge as well as our mutual disgust for anything pastel or paisley. To represent all the confused dudes out there is my friend Shane. Very much your typical guy (bordering on bro), he requested to go under a pseudonym for this post. Since I hold the pen that certainly wasn't going to fly, but if you ever see a "Shawn Flanigan" on another fashion blog you'll know where he got his start. Anyhow, I presented these two wonderful people with a list of the leading fashion movements many women seem to be sporting or desperately trying to. Small disclosure, the answer formats from the two are indeed different. They're different mainly because, well, men and women are exactly just that, pretty fucking different. I had to somewhat trick Shane into answering by enabling him to think we were merely indulging in a stimulating conversation about women's fashion. Lindsey, on the other hand, gave me wonderfully organized and simple answers. Women > Men. Just ask the original "he man woman haters club," those rascals would be nothing without Darla and her ladies. 


Red Lipstick




L: "As long as you know how to wear it properly, red lipstick is a great final touch to a look.  For me, the redder the better."

Redder is better. Not only is red lipstick fabulously reminiscent of old Hollywood actresses but when worn correctly it adds a sultry seductive edge to an otherwise standard ensemble. What lady wouldn't want to make red lipstick as loud as their personality? 

"Beauty to me, is about being comfortable in your own skin. That, or a kick-ass red lipstick." - Gwyneth Paltrow



S: "I'm not a lipstick fan. It makes a girl look like she's just been dominating snow cones all day." 





Combat Boots




L: "I am sickly obsessed with combat boots.  Combat boots are edgy, spunky and right on trend.  Wear them laced up, tied half way or even not tied at all for three different looks."

A girl after my own heart. 

S: "I don't think I'm into that."
GC: And why not?
S:  "It sounds a little too intense for me"
GC: Do you even know what I'm referring to?
S:  "Like army boots"
GC:  Yeah, lace up, bad ass looking things. Naturally, I love them.
S:  "I'm not going to lie I don't think I'm a fan, I don't mean to go against your very well respected feelings."
GC:  Dont sugar coat it, you hate them. Do they remind you of lesbians? Is that why?
S:  "Yea they kind of do. When I think about a hot girl combat boots never come to mind."

Should combat boot aficionados such as myself and Lindsey be offended by that last statement or tell ourselves he knows nothing? He knows nothing. 


Over Sized Sweaters/T-Shirts



;

L: "A few hours ago I was just rummaging through my brothers closet for a sweater I could borrow.  For the days when you feel blah (or want to look as cool as Mary-Kate Olsen) an over sized sweater/top is just the ticket."

She mentioned an Olsen twin, 'nough said.

S: "I like it I mean in the right scenario i think it can be cute. I mean I'd rather something low cut just like the next guy but if you're hanging around the house it's fine."
GC:  Sojust around the house?
S:  "No you should be able to tell when it's acceptable and when it's not. It's not acceptable when I'm clubbing and trying to grind."

Mental note ladies, over sized tops are forbidden if out trying to get jiggy with it. You heard it here, straight from the horses mouth. 




All Black Errything 




L: "I love embracing my darker side with wearing all black.  Am I goth? Ill take it." 

Sentiment echoed here as well. Questioning my pursuit of the gothic is as big a compliment  as proposing a lack of eating habit. 

S: "Too goth for me"

GC: Do I look like I practice witchcraft?

S: "You could be a Wiccan."

Just as my girl L said, Wiccan? "I'll take it."




Leather 







L: "Whenever I wear leather pants I always giggle to myself thinking about Ross Geller.  I love the leather trend because it is both stylish and sassy."

Sandy from Grease? Perfection. 


GC: Assuming this might hit the too dangerous category for you. Leather? 
S: "I'm not crazy about it but I'll allow it"
GC: Not crazy about it why? Because she looks like she's about to jump on a hog?
S: "Who's she?"
GC:  A girl in leather, and hog, as in, motorcycle..
S:  "Yea, you're right. Ok I'm in to it. No you meant the other, don't lie."

Boys.

GC:  So what's the final decision, yay or nay?
S:  "Gotta go with yay after your description"
GC:  I don't know how you could have ever been against it in the first place honestly. 
S:  "I don't see many leather pants so I had to be reminded"

 

Snedges




L: "I must admit, when I first locked eyes on a snedge I immediately started laughing.  Honestly, what is funnier than a sneaker...with a wedge.  However, designers such an Isabel Marant and Chloe made me realize that these shoes are actually awesome."

Isable Marant, with out a doubt, the master of the snedge.



S: "I have no idea what that is."

[Required visual reinforcement. Chose Isabel Marant photos obviously, the mecca of the snedge.]

S: "I don't get it is that supposed to be a sneaker? I think you have to make a choice between one or the other, I know hybrids are in right now but those things look pretty strange."




Leopard Print




L: "Every girl should have one item of clothing with cheetah print.  Sometimes you have to show your wild side...MEOW."

Meow, my friend, is right.



S: "Nah not really my style. I know Lindsey's going to say yes on this one."
GC: Why not?
S: "I don't know I guess it's a little too aggressive. I don't hate it I'd just rather a girl not look like a predatory cat if I had a choice"
GC:  You don't want a girl "on the prowl"?
S:  "No I do, I just want her to be dressed less dangerously."



A "Party Nail"




L: "I am a sucker for a party nail.  I even told a few acquaintances that I actually created that term.  One color for all ten nails is stupid, I would much rather spice things up with a party nail."

S: "A party nail? Is this a real thing girls do? Or am I being punked?"

[Forced to provide visual proof of a party nail]

S: "I cant say I've ever seen one of these party nails you speak of but if I had to have an opinion I'd say I'm in to them, I like girls who appreciate a good party."

Ah,  finally common ground, parties. 



 Ombr√© Hair




L: "The second I saw Lily Aldridge sporting ombr√© hair I fainted.  I always go back and fourth about wanting brown or blonde hair, so...why not both?"

Glad to know I'm not alone in experiencing extreme lack of air upon seeing Lily Aldridge. 


Once again Shane is indeed unaware this is a "thing girls do." Had to provide visuals of Lily, which of course, was done gladly. 

S: "It's hard to tell because she'd be unbelievable with a shaved head but I think I'd rather my girl have a single colored hair, not multiple."

Offending me left and right here but once again, he knows nothing. 




Spiked Jewelry






L: "Give me spikes or give me death.  Seriously.  Spikes are bold and confident and a great way to channel your punk side."

Still punk rockers at heart just looking for our Sk8 boiz. That may be a bit of a stretch, but spikes or die.


S: "I don't mind them in moderation but I'm not into it when it looks like at any moment she can punch a hole in me." 







Stacked Bracelets





L: "If I could walk out of the house wearing 25 bracelets on each arm and not have people think I was insane, I would totally do it. If you don't have at least 10 bracelets on at all times you are doing something wrong."


S: "I'm very aware it can be on the noisy side...I'm not a big fan of that over doing it."

Clearly Mr. Finnegan does not care about my feelings. Sorry, Mr. Flanigan. 

GC: You're so minimal
S: "Any more than 5 is too many I'd have to say. There used to be this crack head fix it guy that worked at my summer club and he would wear tons of bracelets. That's what it reminds me of."




Over Sized Earrings & Collar Necklaces






L: "Bold over sized collar necklaces are a staple piece. I immediately have a crush on anyone who wears one. Strap on a black cat suit and a collar necklace and you're ready to hit the town." 





A bold necklace with bejeweled evil eyes? What a four eyed hottie that piece must belong to.

GC: Not at the same time but either GIGANTIC necklaces like Pharaoh's of Egypt or giant hoops or earrings, like Jenny from the block. Asking for a friend. 
S:  "Haha NO to the jenny from the block earrings but I don't mind the necklaces. Big hoops were worn by the sluts and Guido's back in my stomping grounds. Big necklaces I have no finite reason why, I just don't mind them."
S:  "How did I do? I would like my quote for the necklace question to be, with the right cleavage a big necklace can go a long way."

Well said, further proving the point that men are in fact so simple. If goal of the night is to snag a man, there you have it, show some cleav and call it a day. However, I'll take my all black errything, over sized sweaters, combat boots, leather, and noisy bracelets over a snagged a man in a heart beat.  In the words of my gal pal Lindsey, "Give me spikes or give me death. Seriously. " 

Lindsey just being a girl crush. I spy quite an arm party.





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